Thank you so much Lenny and Andy for this post. It is so well written and so timely - high achievers often come from a background of trauma and perfectionism and I’m finding it has taken me to get to the “peak” career mode to start even thinking about the idea of saying no. Because where I come from saying no is the worst possible thing you can do, where scarcity is not just a mentality but a reality of day to day life. This one is going to be one to print out and keep. Thank you for your generosity in sharing this 🙏🏽
You don't see this level of vulnerability these days, especially in the startup world.
The part that hit me the most was your professional Intolerable:
- Working for an asshole
I hear that because there are a lot of assholes in charge, I should just accept it. "If not this one, there will be another." But once it takes a toll on your mental health (and eventually it will), you have to stand up to yourself.
I faced a lot of these managers, and dealing with this situation was hard at first, and led to the best periods of my life.
While other people where willing to tolerate this behavior because they were in the company for a year and didn't want to feel like it was time wasted - I left and found better people and a more fulfilling work.
And it's worth it because life is a marathon and not a sprint. You should run life in a sustainable pace with good people around you. Otherwise, it's not going to last.
My pleasure, Ido! Working for an asshole can take otherwise enjoyable work and ruin it. For practical reasons (e.g., raising a family) we may have to tolerate it for a while. Yet it's rarely worth it in the long-term. I'm happy to hear that you found your way toward better people and more fulfilling work.
I have been disabled since 20 and have built my entire career while contending with serious mental illness. I was fortunate enough to spend two years in a cheap RV, allowing me to experience my system without life stress.
But inevitably, to build a life, I have had to find ways to contend with a great many of these factors and persist. There is no ability to exist without scraping that zone of intolerance. Access to good doctors and therapists, plus the patience and money to figure out what medications work—privileges I am only a year into having access to, while facing scheduling struggles at every turn. These greater factors — it is a reason we need universal healthcare in America.
I will pour over this article and gleam many nuggets. I genuinely don’t want this to be seen as a criticism of this brilliant article — but there is a collective discussion passed over here in favor of what the individual can do.
This is so amazing. Bookmarked because there is so much information here it will take me time to get to process it all. As someone who battles depression, suffers from anxiety, and is a solopreneur doing it all alone - I can be overwhelmed.
This is fantastic, thanks for sharing your story and a work/life framework. One question: I bought my San Francisco property in 2017, and I see it less as being locked in long term at a high expense, and more as a really strong tax incentive and financial advantage (vs renting) that I can exit pretty much anytime, and get back what I payed in mortgage + a little profit.
Sounds like a reasonable approach. Overall, I'm not trying to be prescriptive around how others should live. My main point is for people to make decisions consciously as opposed to doing so for societal or unconscious reasons. If having that home is aligned with the life you want for yourself, then I don't see anything wrong with that.
Thank you so much Lenny and Andy for this post. It is so well written and so timely - high achievers often come from a background of trauma and perfectionism and I’m finding it has taken me to get to the “peak” career mode to start even thinking about the idea of saying no. Because where I come from saying no is the worst possible thing you can do, where scarcity is not just a mentality but a reality of day to day life. This one is going to be one to print out and keep. Thank you for your generosity in sharing this 🙏🏽
One of the most valuable reads in last 6+ months for sure! Thank you Andy for sharing!
Feels like it was written directly for me
This is a post I will come back to time and again. It's already made me start thinking about what more do I want from life?
What are the stressors I'm willing to put up with and how long?
Thank you for sharing Andy
You don't see this level of vulnerability these days, especially in the startup world.
The part that hit me the most was your professional Intolerable:
- Working for an asshole
I hear that because there are a lot of assholes in charge, I should just accept it. "If not this one, there will be another." But once it takes a toll on your mental health (and eventually it will), you have to stand up to yourself.
I faced a lot of these managers, and dealing with this situation was hard at first, and led to the best periods of my life.
While other people where willing to tolerate this behavior because they were in the company for a year and didn't want to feel like it was time wasted - I left and found better people and a more fulfilling work.
And it's worth it because life is a marathon and not a sprint. You should run life in a sustainable pace with good people around you. Otherwise, it's not going to last.
Thanks for the share, Andy!
My pleasure, Ido! Working for an asshole can take otherwise enjoyable work and ruin it. For practical reasons (e.g., raising a family) we may have to tolerate it for a while. Yet it's rarely worth it in the long-term. I'm happy to hear that you found your way toward better people and more fulfilling work.
Absolutely. Appreciate your comment Andy!
I have been disabled since 20 and have built my entire career while contending with serious mental illness. I was fortunate enough to spend two years in a cheap RV, allowing me to experience my system without life stress.
But inevitably, to build a life, I have had to find ways to contend with a great many of these factors and persist. There is no ability to exist without scraping that zone of intolerance. Access to good doctors and therapists, plus the patience and money to figure out what medications work—privileges I am only a year into having access to, while facing scheduling struggles at every turn. These greater factors — it is a reason we need universal healthcare in America.
I will pour over this article and gleam many nuggets. I genuinely don’t want this to be seen as a criticism of this brilliant article — but there is a collective discussion passed over here in favor of what the individual can do.
Thank you for being open; I look forward to more.
Thank you for sharing your story Conner 🙏
This is so amazing. Bookmarked because there is so much information here it will take me time to get to process it all. As someone who battles depression, suffers from anxiety, and is a solopreneur doing it all alone - I can be overwhelmed.
Epic article @andy! Love this framing.
Thx bud
This is fantastic, thanks for sharing your story and a work/life framework. One question: I bought my San Francisco property in 2017, and I see it less as being locked in long term at a high expense, and more as a really strong tax incentive and financial advantage (vs renting) that I can exit pretty much anytime, and get back what I payed in mortgage + a little profit.
What do you think?
Sounds like a reasonable approach. Overall, I'm not trying to be prescriptive around how others should live. My main point is for people to make decisions consciously as opposed to doing so for societal or unconscious reasons. If having that home is aligned with the life you want for yourself, then I don't see anything wrong with that.